The Giant Bacteria: The Novelization
by Bill Hiers
Summary: A novelization of the second SWAT Kats episode, with some of my own changes and embellishments based on a rewritten teleplay I did. "The Giant Bacteria" was always a controversial episode, in addition to being rather clunky, so in many ways this (and the script it's based on) are my attempt to "fix" it. I hope you enjoy.
1. The Refinery Reign of Terror

As the sun began its slow descent heading towards evening, the peaceful setting of a bayside oil refinery was disrupted as the refinery tanks exploded one by one, until the entire place was in place. An enormous roiling column of black smoke rose into the sky. The bomber, flying a two-engined purple fighter jet with a row of fearsome black spikes down the back, zoomed through the smoke and out across Megakat Bay, a trio of Enforcer jets in hot pursuit.

They fired their lasers, prompting the enemy to swoop back 'round and fly right at the Enforcers. He fired two missiles. One hit the Enforcer jet on the right. The other found a target in the middle jet. The third was engulfed in the explosion of the middle one. All three crashed smoking into the bay without a parachute in sight.

The enemy swung 'round again and did another pass over his downed foes to ensure there were no survivors, then resumed his original course out across the bay, towards the Megakat City skyline.

As he was departing, the Turbokat appeared around the huge column of smoke billowing up from the fiery inferno that used to be the refinery and joined the chase. In the cockpit sat T-Bone and Razor.

"Does this wacko think he can he blow up every refinery in Megakat City?" T-Bone asked, thinking aloud.

His friend cast a glance back at the ruined refinery. "Well, I'd say he's doing a pretty good job so far," Razor replied.

Razor reflected on how this was still early in their career as what the media had called the SWAT Kats. It'd been only a few months since the appearance of their last enemy, the Pastmaster, and his army of giant dinosaurs, and now there was this guy. Whoever he was. He'd been on a wild bombing spree since around two in the afternoon, seeming to target only oil refineries. The news could only speculate on his motivations or identity. T-Bone and Razor relished the opportunity to face a fellow fighter jock for a change, especially after evil skeletons and prehistoric monsters.

They passed over what was left of the Enforcers, floating amidst the ocean waves. Smoke still rose from the floating debris. "And he shredded the Enforcers like an old scratchin' post!" Razor said, feeling some anger burning at the deaths of the pilots. His finger on the trigger itched for justice. Their as yet unseen foe was beginning to enrage him further and further.

T-Bone said aloud what he was thinking. "Guess it's up to us to kick this guy's tail!"

Their enemy's craft was an older model jet with only two engines, versus the sleeker Turbokat's three, so catching up to him as they neared the city at the other end of the bay was no difficulty.

"Can you get a lock on him?" T-Bone asked over his shoulder.

"Working on it..." Razor murmured.

He bent forward over his targeting scope. There was a "beep" as he locked in on the enemy jet.

"Gotcha!" he said under his breath. Then, "One Octopus Missile, on its way!"

He fired. An Octopus Missile flew towards their enemy. It looked like an ordinary missile until the front end split apart into an eight-armed "claw," which was designed to slam into and grab a target. They'd used it previously against the Megasaurus Rex without much success, but Razor was hoping it'd perform better this time. It closed on the jet ahead, which continued on its present source and made no indication that its pilot knew there was a missile closing in on him. The Octopus Missile closed the distance rapidly as the purple jet zoomed through the skies over Megakat City's costal district.

T-Bone smirked. "I don't believe it," he said. "The sucker doesn't even see comin'!"

Suddenly, the enemy banked left hard, allowing the Octopus Missile to fly past its tilted underside and to instead hit the side of a seaside hotel, totally smashing a panoramic balcony. The SWAT Kats were shocked, letting loose a "Whoa!" of surprise in unison.

"He suckered US!" cried T-Bone.

"This guy must have eyes in the back of his head!" added Razor, impressed by their enemy's prowess.

No way, thought T-Bone. Nobody's a better pilot than I am! He punched the throttle, the faster Turbokat gaining on the other jet easily. He turned the Turbokat upside-down so that they were cockpit-to-cockpit. Let's get a look at you, he thought. He and Razor looked down. The pilot looked up at them... with a pair of eyes in the back of his head! What were the odds of that? He was a very stocky, broad-shouldered kat with a neatly-trimmed beard, wearing flight goggles with red-tinted lenses both in front and in back to accomodate all four eyes and, somewhat incongruously, dressed in a suit and tie.

T-Bone frowned. "Wow!" he cried. "Look at that! He DOES have eyes in the back of his head!"

They heard evil laughter on their radio, as the voice of their opponent came through the speakers. "You'll have to do better than that, SWAT Kats, to take Morbulus by surprise!"

He suddenly piloted his jet downward, into the city. So, thought T-Bone, your name is Morbulus? T-Bone had another name for him. "'Four-Eyes' wants to play a little canyon tag, huh?" he said, grinning at Morbulus' challenge. "Well, let's play."

He zoomed down after Morbulus. They were well over Megakat City proper now. The Turbokat was right on his tail as both jets zoomed between the skyscrapers, flying low, dangerously close to evening traffic, citizens running for cover as the two aircraft flew overhead. Razor thought this was more than a little dangerous, but but knew better than to try to talk his partner out of this.

T-Bone's pride had been wounded by the mere thought that their enemy was even half as good of a pilot as him, and so he was going to chase Morbulus until he'd bested him. And if it meant pulling dangerous stunts like this, well, then, that was okay with T-Bone! Razor was just along for the ride, and had confidence in his friend's ability to keep them safe despite skirting danger.

Besides, they had a bad guy to catch! Razor locked onto Morbulus' jet yet again. "This time I'll get ya!"

He fire another Octopus Missile, with about as much success at the first, which was none. The villain saw it coming with his rear set of eyes and, smirking over his shoulder at his pursuers, dodged, letting the missile sail past and hit a parked gasoline tanker. The truck violently exploded. Thankfully, as far as Razor could tell, there'd been nobody in the cab.

"Crud!" he cried, pounding his fist against the controls. "There's just no way to hit this guy!"

He was beginning to share his friend's disdain for their wily enemy, and let his emotions, his desire to defeat their foe, cloud his judgment. Angrily, he began loading up every single Octopus Missile in the Turbokat's compliment, intent on firing so many at once not even Morbulus could dodge them all. He was so fixated on looking down at his work, letting T-Bone do the flying, that he wasn't paying attention as Morbulus piloted his jet upwards, going higher above the buildings, T-Bone right behind him.

"Third time's the charm..." the thin SWAT Kat murmured to himself.

T-Bone noticed that they were headed for City Hall. Or at least that the chase was leading in that general direction. The clocktower loomed larger and larger ahead. T-Bone was unsure if the building was going to be Morbulus' next target. He didn't think so, as it'd mark a divergence in his thus far unchanging selection of just refineries. Whatever the case, Morbulus being between them and City Hall meant even he, reckless as he was, knew firing would be a bad idea, considering the horrible possibilities if they missed... which, T-Bone noted with some nagging worry, "Sureshot" had done twice already. If he missed Morbulus a third time and hit City Hall...

He didn't complete the thought. "Uh, Razor-" he started to say.

"In a second!" Razor said distractedly. He fired a barrage of about twelve Octopus Missiles. "Dodge THAT!" he said.

Dodge he did. His rear set of eyes widening in fear as he saw so many missiles flying towards him, Morbulus banked left again, and the twelve or so Octopus Missile continued on towards City Hall. Only then, glancing up, did Razor realize his mistake.

"Uh-oh..."

In his office, Mayor Manx was on the phone, fretting over the situation and wishing he hadn't turned down that maniacal pilot's demands. He looked very worried and his hairpiece was crooked as he paced back and forth in front of his desk.

"Oh, Callie, it's just so awful," Manx was wailing as he went to and fro, and expensive shoes threatening to wear a hole in the even more expensive carpet. He had the phone cradled between his neck and his shoulder, toying with a particularly stubborn fountain pen in his free hands.

"Relax, Mayor," Callie Briggs said through the phone, currently on her way to where it was thought Morbulus would strike next, the Megakat Refinery, "the SWAT Kats are handling him even as we speak."

Manx looked at a haphazardly strewn collection of papers covered in ink spatters and barely legible writing.

"I can't concentrate on writing my speech for tomorrow's park dedication," he complained, secretly glad for the excuse because he knew better than anyone that even without the threat of the city's oil supply going up in smoke, he'd been experiencing extreme difficulties in even getting the speech started. He was strongly considering just making Callie do it.

"And this blasted pen isn't working properly, and-"

He was suddenly cut off as the entire building shook. An enormous jointed metal claw pierced through the wall of the office, startling him. Manx's toupee flew off and he gave a piercing squeal, dropping the phone. The pen spasmed and spewed black ink everywhere, staining his suit. Dropping it, he snatched the phone up and wailed into it.

"I'm under attack! Callie, save me!"

City Hall now had a full compliment of Octopus Missiles bristling imbedded into its sides, looking like some kind of angry inverted porcupine with a clock. Razor was angry. Angry at their enemy and even angrier at himself for being so careless and stupid. He just hoped nobody was hurt, least of all Mayor Manx. He was better than this and he knew it!

Morbulus' jet zipped in and out of the city before turning and headed back out over the bay again, towards the Megakat Refinery, the only one he hadn't blown up yet.

"Great!" grumbled Razor. "He's headed right for another refinery!" He felt suddenly weary. "I'm out of ideas, buddy. How 'bout you?"

His partner smirked. "I got a plan that might work."

He flew the Turbokat into a nearby cloud bank.

In his own cockpit, Morbulus watched them disappear and felt immensely satisfied with himself. "Ha!" he laughed. "Those SWAT Wimps gave up!" He eyed the refinery ahead, smirking, having saved this one for last because it bore the city's name. "Now to give the Megakat Refinery a taste of my Morbulus Missiles! The Mayor will regret not paying me that ransom!"

He flicked a switch and the targeting scope locked on to the facility, and his thumb hovered menacingly over the firing button on his steering mechanism. Goodbye, Megakat Refinery! Just a little closer...

The Turbokat flew out of a cloud bank and moved underneath his jet as it drew ever nearer to its target. After a few moments, it became apparent to T-Bone that his idea was working. Morbulus couldn't see them!

"Let's see if you've got eyes UNDER your head, punk," T-Bone said quietly to the bottom of his opponent's jet. "Okay, Razor," he cried. "Now!"

Razor selected a missile he thought would do nicely for the job. Despite everything Morbulus had done, he didn't want to outright shoot the guy down unless he absolutely had to. So instead he chose a missile he designed specifically to non-fatally disable enemy aircraft by simply removing the pilot from the cockpit. "A Cookie-Cutter should do the trick, he said.

He fired. The Cookie-Cutter Missile launched from a panel in the top rear portion of the Turbokat and flew up at Morbulus. Like the Octopus Missile, it resembled an ordinary missile until the sides fell away and a razor-edged metal circle unfolded and magnetically attached itself to the underside of the other jet. The circle then began rotating rapidly until it was spinning fast enough to bite through metal, and began to cut through up into the cockpit.

Morbulus' concentration was broken as he heard the noise. His finger remained poised over the trigger, but he hesitated, confused.

"Huh?" he cried, startled. The SWAT Kats! It had to be! But where? Not needing to turn his head much to take in the world around him, he nevertheless franatically looked left, right, up and down. There was no sign of them! Then where-? He felt the shudder of something drilling up into his craft underneath him, and looked down at the floor. "What the...?"

He suddenly experienced the odd sensation of his cockpit rushing up and away from him and it took him a second to realize it wasn't going anywhere, he was! He fell through the hole drilled by the Cookie-Cutter Missile, ripped right out of his jet! The missile, its job done, fell away. Still in his seat and clutching the broken-off steering stick in one hand, Morbulus dropped like a stone.

He screamed as he felt himself plummetting, discarding the steering stick and fumbling franatically for the button on his seat that would activate the parachute. He didn't need to. A big metal claw on the end of a very long cable shot out from beneath the Turbokat and grabbed the back of his seat with him still strapped into it, halting his descent suddenly. The Cookie-Cutter Missile and the circular section of metal it'd cut free landed in the water with a distant splash. T-Bone put the jet into VTOL mode so it could hover in midair, and gave Razor a thumbs up behind him.

"Looks like we hooked a big one," he said.

"Yeah!" Razor agreed. "He's a keeper!" Suddenly, he saw that Morbulus' pilotless jet was heading straight for the Megakat Refinery. "Oh no!" he cried. "T-Bone, look!"

T-Bone turned and watched helplessly as the jet struck and there was a monumental explosion. A group of Enforcer sedans, lights flashing, followed by the personal green car of Deputy Mayor Calico "Callie" Briggs, arrived near the beach where the refinery was located. They all skidded to a halt as flaming debris rained all around them. A particularly nasty-looking chunk of metal bounced off the hood of Callie's car.

"Oops..." T-Bone squeaked.

Below them, Morbulus, still strapped into his seat, cheered. The last refinery, destroyed after all! Laughing, he unbuckled himself and fell from his seat and into the ocean below. Neither of the SWAT Kats noticed, too absorbed in worrying about the consequences of today's adventure. Nobody onshore had noticed, either, having been too busy watching the explosion. Morbulus disappeared beneath the surface. Underwater, he held his breath and started hurriedly undressing.

T-Bone flew the Turbokat towards the shore. Still in hover mode, he opened the canopy so he and Razor could speak to those assembled. In addition to Callie, Commander Feral was there was well, with several of his armed commandos.

Feral, growling, yelled up at them. "You hotshot jerks! You've destroyed the last refinery in the city!" He pointed at the burning destruction that used to be the Megakat Refinery.

"Cam down, Feral," T-Bone reassured him. "We got your guy."

Releasing the Sky Claw, he dropped Morbulus' seat and it thudded into the sand at their feet. It was empty.

"So where is he?" Feral snarled.

"What are you talkin' about?" asked T-Bone, feeling dull anger building inside of him. Was Feral blind? He leaned and looked down, as did Razor. They saw the empty seat. T-Bone felt his anger replaced by confusion and more than a little worry, suddenly overcome with the desire to bug out of there as fast as they could. "Uh..." he trailed off, struggling for words.

It was Razor who pieced together the puzzle. "Crud! He must've unbuckled himself!"

"You two are going to pay dearly for this!" Feral said with barely-contained fury.

T-Bone felt himself suddenly talking very, very fast. "Sorry, Feral, but I think Razor left something on the stove. Gotta run. Seeya, Ms. Briggs, sorry we didn't have time to chat!"

Without giving them a chance to reply, or Razor a chance to get a word in edgewise, he closed the canopy again. The Turbokat turned and flew off into the setting sun. Feral seethed, watching them go.

"One of these days I'm going to get those two!" he said,

Callie attempted to mediate. Commander Feral's inability to see the silver lining in anything never failed to exasperate her. "At least they stopped Morbulus, Commander. The refineries can be rebuilt."

"At what cost?" Feral demanded, glaring her, finding her eternal optimism infuriating. "With the Megakat Refinery destroyed, Manx may as well have paid this maniac for all the money this is going to cost Megakat City!"

Callie had to admit that Feral had a point, to some extent. At least about the cost of rebuilding the refineries. It didn't help that the Mayor had commissioned that enormous marble statue of himself for the park. Her beloved SWAT Kats could be so destructive sometimes, and yet she defended them. What was money when a villain extorting the city had been taken care of? If only they had him in custody! She didn't give Feral the satisfaction of knowing he made good points, though, because she didn't like his rude and confrontational attitude.

Suddenly, a commando pointed into the water, cutting him off. "Commander Feral, look out there!" he yelled.

Feral looked over. What appeared to be a body was floating face-down in the ocean. Two commandos waded into the water, grabbed the body, and hauled it ashore as Feral and Callie hurried over.

"Be careful!" Callie urged them. "He could still be dangerous!"

"Yeah," said one of them, "if he was still here."

He held up an empty helmet, and then she and Feral gawked down at what the two commandos had pulled ashore: empty clothes put together to make it look like someone was still in them!

"It's just his clothes, sir," said the commando sheepishly.

"I can see that!" Feral snapped, grabbing the helmet away from him, feeling his temper beginning to boil over anew. He threw Morbulus' helmet away and whirled to Callie, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth.

"He's naked somwhere!" cried the other commando in a half-chuckle.

Feral ignored him, glaring down at the Deputy Mayor. "If they'd held Morbulus until we arrived, that four-eyed freak would be in cuffs right now!"

She was about to reply when they heard the sound of approaching sirens and vehicle engines and turned, seeing fire engines along with some news vans driving up. Ann Gora got out with her cameraman and several other reporters. Just what they needed, Feral thought. The media. The various reporters began stampeding down the beach towards them, as the firemen piled out of their trucks and unspooled their hoses to begin the unenviable task of attempting to douse the flames of the refinery.

Pointing to himself, Feral said, "I'll handle the press. We'll talk later, Briggs."

Turning, he walked to meet the gaggle of microphones, camera lenses and flashing lights thrust into his face in the gathering darkness. His men followed him and flanked him like bodyguards.

"Commander Feral!" Ann Gora said. She was a young, petite redhead in green with a stylish necklace who was always the most eager and energetic of Megakat City's newspeople. "Is this the end of the 'refinery reign of terror?'"

"In a manner of speaking..." Feral said.

Jonny K. and a few of his fellow cameramen turned their video cameras towards the smouldering ruins of the refinery. The reporters continued eagerly pressing.

"What about Morbulus? Do you have him in custody?" a small, orange-haired reporter in a polka-dotted tie from Kat's Eye News demanded eagerly, having to stand on his tip toes to ensure his microphone reached Feral's face.

By now, the villain's name had been released to several different news outlets, and so there was no longer any mystery regarding the identity of the enemy jet's pilot.

"Yeah, Commander, do you have this wacko or what?" asked another colleague of Ann's from Kat's Eye News, a tall, handsome and square-jawed reporter with neatly pomaded black hair.

Feral cleared his throat and jutted his considerable chin forward. "Ahem, well, due to the valiant efforts of my Enforcers, and some minor assistance from the SWAT Kats, the evildoer known as Morbulus won't be destroying any more refineries any time soon."

"You mean because this was the last one!" shouted a reporter with white hair and purple-tinted glasses, who'd shoved through the crowd suddenly. He was from Inside Megakat City, a less scruplous rival news organization of Kat's Eye News'.

"Who said that?!" growled Feral, his eyes burning and scanning the crowd.

The white-haired reporter made a sound and vanished back into the anonymity of the group, and said nothing further.

"What about Morbulus?" asked the orange-haired reporter.

"Yeah, where is he?" pressed the black-haired one. "And what about the SWAT Kats? Where were they in all this?"

The talking and arguing went on as Feral was bombarded with questions. Callie however was left alone, thankfully. She didn't mind speaking to the press, but not so many at once. She loosened her tie a bit and stared down at Morbulus' empty clothing. She dearly hoped that that was the last Megakat City would see of that particular villain.

A ways down the beach, the sewer of the city emptied into the bay via a large drain pipe. A figure broke the surface of the water. Wearing nothing but his underwear, a tank top and boxer shorts, Morbulus swam ashore and climbed up inside of the pipe. Turning, he looked down at the burning refinery in the distance and the lights from all of the Enforcer vehicles and fire trucks. He laughed.

"I guess you could say I sure gave THEM the strip!" he said to no one in particular, laughing at his own joke. He made a fist and thumped his chest once triumphantly. "No way I'm gonna see the inside of a prison cell!"

Suddenly he heard a loud hiss echoing through the pipe behind him. Using his rear eyes, which widened in surprise, he saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes peering out from the darkness of the sewer behind him, burning like hot coals. A rasping voice issued forth from the blackness.

"I'll put you to much better ussse than that!" it hissed.

Morbulus gulped. "Wh-Who are you?" he said, still without turning around.

A figure became distinct in the gloom as it slowly emerged into the dim light. Short, thin and hunched over, it was a scrawny kat with green and bluish green striped fur and crazy black spiked hair, appearing to be naked save for a white coat that was at least three sizes too large for his thin frame. A long reptilian tail lashed slowly behind him as a long muzzle terminating in a spadelike chin poked up so that those yellow eyes could stare into the ones on the back of Morbulus' head. The mysterious green kat looked weird, but who was he, a kat with a second pair of eyes in the back of his head, to judge?

"You can call me Viper!" said this green, white-coated entity. "DOCTOR Viper! And I've got big plansss for you. A form of... alternative employment, you might sssay..."

Morbulus suddenly wished he HAD been arrested after all... 


	2. Back to the Grease Pit

Later that same evening, the SWAT Kats returned to their secret hangar beneath the Megakat City Salvage Yard. After the Turbokat rose up into the main area of the base on its hydraulic platform, T-Bone popped the canopy, and both he and Razor hopped out, taking off their helmets. Neither of them was in a particularly celebratory mood.

"That didn't go too well..." Razor said, depressed.

"Understatement of the year, right there," T-Bone agreed.

Not only had Morbulus somehow managed to get away, he'd had the last laugh thanks to his empty jet crashing into and completely destroying the Megakat Refinery. It made Razor feel like crud and he said so. They walked over to their lockers, tossing their helmets inside, and changed clothes from their flight suits to their mechanics' coveralls, removing their black masks to become Chance Furlong and Jake Clawson.

"We destroyed half the city trying to catch this guy and he still gets away from us," said Jake morosely.

He looked over at their wall of kill marks, wondering whether to add a stamp for Morbulus. Technically they'd won, considering they had, after all, defeated him. The fact he'd gotten away and the refinery had still ended up getting destroyed didn't undo this fact. Still, he thought, it would've been a little odd, and apparently Chance agreed with him, at least for the time being, because although the bigger kat walked over and picked up the rubber stamp and made as if he were going to add a mark for their latest outing, he hesitated, then, with a grimace, returned the stamp to the inkpad.

"C'mon, let's head back up to the greasepit and get a couple cans of milk."

They walked towards a ladder which led upwards, and climbed upward, opening the hatch at the top that accessed what could charitably be called the living room of the garage. Jake picked up the remote control for the TV but didn't turn it on yet. It was an older set they'd purchased at some pawn shop or other, so old and junky that without Jake's own modifications, which included the seemingly obligatory clothes hanger antenna, the thing would've been incapable of picking up any signals from the city.

"Gonna see what they have to say about it on the news," he explained as Chance got a couple of milk cans out of the fridge, tossing one to him as he came over. Jake caught it. "Nothing good, probably. Personally, I'd give us a three outta ten..."

"Are you gonna mope like this all night?" Chance angrily demanded to know. "So that guy got away. Big deal. We at least kicked his tail and gave 'im somethin' to think about before he crawled off to hide under whatever rock he crawled out of!"

Jake noticed his partner's confidence was returning. And while it was ordinarily highly infectious, the thinner mechanic merely shook his head sadly and sighed, not replying. Chance chuckled and put a beefy arm around Jake's narrow shoulders, hugging his buddy close.

"He'll think twice before he tries tanglin' with the SWAT Kats again, huh?"

"I guess you're right," Jake admitted after a moment. This seemed to satisfy Chance. "Anyway, let's see what Kat's Eye News has to say about it."

He turned the TV on and flipped through the channels until he caught sight of Commander Feral. It was currently muted. The Kat's Eye News logo was superimposed in the lower corner of the screen. In the background, crews of fire fighters could be seen attempting to douse the flames of the still-burning Megakat Refinery. Jake felt his guilt threatening to return, but then he saw the message "Recorded Earlier" blinking on and off. Good. It wasn't live. Thise fire crews surely had the refinery put out by now, he hoped.

He hated causing unintentional damage. It made him feel sloppy and careless. And worse, it got people hurt. He reminded himself these were early days for them in their new careers as vigilantes. They'd make less mistakes as time went on, and tonight's embarrassment of an aerial showdown with Morbulus wouldn't be repeated again.

"Hey, there's Feral," said Chance, pointing with the hand holding his still unopened can of milk. "And he looks like he hasn't hit the litterbox for a week!"

Jake shook his head, leaving that charming little observation uncommented upon, and turned the volume up with the remote. Kat's Eye News' star reporter, Ann Gora, was currently the one interviewing Feral. She faced the camera while Feral loomed behind her looking impatient and, yes, even a little constipated, Jake had to admit, and found himself chuckling a little.

"Ann Gora of Kat's Eye News, here with Commander Feral, who says that the so-called 'refinery reign of terror' is over at last," Ann was explaining to viewers who'd just tuned in. Turning, she held her microphone out for the Enforcer Commander to speak into.

"Yes, Ann," said Feral. "The villain known as Morbulus was defeated by the SWAT Kats, but at great cost. They destroyed the Megakat Refinery and even caused structural damage to City Hall in the process!"

"And what about Morbulus?" asked Ann. "The question on everyone's mind is do you have him in custody?"

"Ha!" Feral said, but it wasn't a laugh. More of an exclamation of something like disgruntled amusement and resigned black humor, the sound of a kat who the universe dumped on regularly. Feral was probably the most cynical person living in Megakat City, Jake reasoned. Due to the interference of the SWAT Kats, THIS is all we have of Morbulus at the moment!"

He held up Morbulus' empty clothes for emphasis. So he really had gotten away, Jake realized, feeling lousier than ever. Chance growled, squeezing his milk can. Beside him, Jake became mildly worried that his partner was going to give himself an aneurysm or something.

"Why, that lousy..."

"Chance, calm down," Jake urged gently.

But as if intent on continuing to provoke his former subordinate through the previously recorded footage, Feral's rant continued unabated. "No one asked for their help, and they allowed a dangerous criminal to escape! Even if they mean well, surely they could be more careful! But they're aren't! They're reckless and irresponsible, and-"

He got no further because Chance suddenly hurled his can at the screen. The force of its impact shattered it. Jake, shocked, covered his eyes as sparks and little bits of glass flew everywhere. When he uncovered his eyes and looked, the TV sat there with a big hole where the screen used to be. Thin tendrils of smoke snaked up out of it, and the stench of burned rubber and wiring filled the room.

"Chance!" cried Jake, appalled at his friend's temper. "What in the heck did you do that for?"

"Sorry about that, Jake..." Chance said, looking suddenly chastened. "I..." He struggled for words. "I just lost it there for a second. That jerk Feral really ticks me off sometimes."

"Well, the feeling's mutual, I'm sure," Jake said, sighing and tossing the now useless remote aside. "Well, Morbulus is gone, and so's the TV."

"Aw, can't you fix it?" Chance asked.

"I can try. No promises. But it'll take a while." A smirk came over Jake's features, as he knew just how to get Chance back for losing his temper like that and busting the TV. "Too bad," he said with an air casual, feigned sadness. "There was gonna be an all-night Scaredy-Kat marathon on tonight. Darn shame."

Chance looked stunned and extremely disappointed.

Morbulus, still in his underwear, had accompanied his "new friend" Dr. Viper through the sewers and into the depths of Megakat Swamp. He didn't like it one bit. The swamp was a nasty, muddy, slimy, revolting place and stank to high heaven. Alligators, snakes, rats and other unpleasant creatures slithered around. He almost preferred the sewer to this fog-enshrouded wasteland. But Morbulus' host seemed right at home here.

Viper wasn't exactly a font of conversation, and the two proceeded towards a gigantic, twisted tree in the middle of it all, with windows through which orange light could be seen shining. After entering, the two went into what could've only be the half kat, half snake biochemist's secret lab.

"Welcome," he said, "to my sssecret lab. It'sss quite the 'eyeful,' wouldn't you sssay?"

Viper picked up a remote and turned on a TV set suspended above his worktable. The two stood side by side watching the Kat's Eye News report about Morbulus' defeat. Onscreen, Commander Feral, with "Recorded Earlier" blinking on and off underneath him, was being interviewed by Ann Gora and was wringing his swagger stick as he talked.

"...and then when I finally get my hands on those two, I'm gonna-"

"Uh, sorry, Commander, but we've run out of time!" Ann Gora said hastily, as though suddenly desperate to end the Commander's rant as quickly as possible. "From the Megakat Refinery, this is Ann Gora, Kat's Eye News."

The camera view wobbled a bit, and Feral, apparently not liking being cut off, pushed past Ann and took a few threatening steps towards whoever was filming. "Hey!" he yelled. "Come back here, I'm not done yet...!"

The image of Feral's enormous hand reaching for the camera froze and pulled back to occupy the upper righthand corner of a news studio where a handsome male newscaster sat behind a desk. The name Tom Katt was visible underneath where he sat.

"Thanks, Ann," Tom said. "That was recorded earlier at the scene of the Megakat Refinery, and as you can well imagine, the rest of our own Commander Feral's rant against the SWAT Kats was... unfit for broadcast."

Cackling, Viper clicked off the TV and set the remote down on the worktable. "It ssseems we agree with Commander Feral on one thing, don't we, Morbulusss? Thossse SWAT Katsss are quite a bother, aren't they?"

"Yeah," said Morbulus, still a little uncomfortable being around this crazy-haired, snake-tailed weirdo, but warming up to him gradually as they found some common ground. "They made me a laughing stock today. I'd sure like to pound their smug faces in!"

He punched his fist into his open palm to illustrate. Viper didn't say anything. So much for conversation, Morbulus though, and then, after a short pause, his curiosity got the better of him and he looked over Viper's worktable.

It was covered with a variety of beakers, flasks and retorts, all filled with various insidious concoctions, many bubbling over bunsen burners. Morbulus recognized some of the paraphernalia from his high school chemistry classes, and picked up a flask from the table, examining it.

"Pretty impressive setup ya got here, Doc," he observed, "Looks like you've got everything a mad scientist could ever need right here."

He wondered if he'd spoken too soon, but surprisingly, Viper didn't seem to take offense at being called a mad scientist. "Everything except for... Katalyssst 99!" he corrected his guest.

Morbulus had never heard of it. "Katalyst 99? What's that?"

"A rare biochemical compound I require," the scientist explained. "It can only be found in Megakat Biochemical Labsss."

Now that place even Morbulus had heard of. A nigh-impregnable fortress of a facility that was supposed to be impossible to get into. Viper was crazy if he thought he was gettin' in. Still holding the flask, Morbulus said, "Good luck. That place is supposed to be impenetrable."

"Ah," said Viper, walking over and grabbing the flask away from him, making him jump, "we sssee 'eye to eye' Morbulusss."

Making a point of narrowing his rear set of eyes so that Viper couldn't see that he didn't appreciate the eye puns, Morbulus, suddenly interested, and remembering what Viper had said about alternative employment, said, "What? You got a plan for gettin' in?"

Viper turned and walked back to his worktable. "You might sssay that."

Setting the flask down, Viper picked up a small glass dish containing a purple liquid. Morbulus had noticed it before among the other items on the table, but it'd seemed of no more importance than anything else. Using an eyedropper, Viper sucked all of the purplish liquid up, then, smirking, he turned and walked back over to Morbulus. Morbulus frowned, taking a step back, suddenly not liking this one bit. He raised an arm as though to shove the scientist away if he needed to, only for Viper to use the eyedropper to put a drop of the purple stuff onto Morbulus' bare forearm.

What the...? What was this crud? It stung! Morbulus blinked with his front set of eyes and watched, first in agitation and then shock as the drop of liquid fizzed up into a foaming mess that quickly covered his whole arm, and with it, the pain spread, too. Instantly, his arm started to change underneath the foam, softening and becoming thick, purple and gooey.

"Nooooo!" Morbulus cried, backing up as the bubbling purple goo spread over his frame like a disease, and in seconds everything but his head had been changed, transformed into the purple vileness Viper had put on him. He winced, scrunching up both sets of eyes as his body was lit afire in pain.

"Yesss!" Viper hissed in what could only be described as a kind of sick pleasure.

"What did you do to me?!" Morbulus demanded.

"I'm sssimply turning you into my new mutant bacteria monssster!" Viper replied as if it were the most normal thing in the entire world.

Morbulus' head began to change now, too, becoming lumpy, and, as he felt the indescribably odd sensation of his rear eyeballs moving around the sides of his head to join the front ones in a row on his face, robbing him of his ability to see behind himself as he had since birth, his already thick body became even thicker, the churning purple slime swelling outwards to make him grow larger and larger, stretching and finally tearing his underwear apart at the seams.

Oh, no, why did I trust him? Morbulus' panicked and increasingly fragmented mind wondered franatically. Now I'm done for! His thoughts became fuzzy and simpler as the ghastly transformation continued. His pain and terror, his anger at Viper for having done this terrible thing to him, were replaced by a new sensation. Hungry! he thought. I'm hungry. Must eat. Eat! MUST EAT! Food, food, foooooddd! Soon that was all that occupied his increasingly less and less katlike mind. The single driving thought to FEED.

Viper rubbed his hands together in fiendish glee as he watched the hulking purple form that used to be Morbulus swelling in size, growing bigger and bigger, casting frightening and ever-changing shadows over him. He licked his lips.

"Yesss, my friend," he cooed. "You look ssso much nicer thisss way! Everyone will in my Megassswamp City! I said I had big plansss for you, and I ssspoke true! "

He walked up to the oozing, vaguely kat-shaped hulk. His new bacteria monster. "You're hungry, aren't you? I can tell! Well, don't worry, I'll feed you! Sssoon, yesss... very sssoon! With your help, I'll sssoon have Katalyssst 99 in my coilsss, and the power to permanently change thisss foul city into sssomething truly beautiful, and dessstroy the SWAT Katsss forever!"

Viper's high-pitched, wicked laughter carried out over the swamp...


	3. A Busy Morning

The sun was just beginning to rise over the city the following morning, giving the skies a blood red hue that boded ill. As the old saying went, "red sky at morning, sailor take warning."

Callie Briggs, feeling more than a little tired from having stayed up late to hold Mayor Manx's hand and walk him through writing his speech, her engine making an annoying clonking noise, drove along the two-lane blacktop leading to the Megakat City Salvage Yard, turning in and pulling up to the garage owned by Chance and Jake. The green sedan's gront end looked more than a little beaten up: scorched, missing its bumper, one headlight broken and the hood slightly crumpled. Damaged sustained during the explosion the other evening, and the reason for her visit to her friends.

She slowed and honked her horn, prompting Chance to come outside, looking a little groggy, but his expression brightened visibly when he saw who their early morning customer was, although his enthusiasm was dampened somewhat when he saw the state of the car. Cutting the motor off, Callie got out.

"Hi, Chance," she said conversationally.

"Hi..." Chance replied, staring at the mess that was the front end of the green car. He looked up at her. "What happened to your car?!" he cried, doing his best to sound shocked. He already knew, or at least he had a pretty good idea, but he had to maintain the illusion that he didn't.

"Oh, I was over at the Megakat Refinery when it exploded. A piece of debris hit it."

That'd been what Chance was afraid of, and felt instantly guilty, but then regained his composure, offering a flirtatious smile. "What were you doing way out there, Callie?" he asked.

The Deputy Mayor smiled. "Didn't you guys hear?" she gushed. "The SWAT Kats defeated Morbulus! You know, the one who was bombing all the refineries?"

"Ah..." Chance said in mock surprise, busying himself with stooping down to inspect the car.

"Yeah, we heard," said a voice from inside. "When we had a TV."

Callie turned and noticed Jake was inside the garage, with a television taken apart and spread out before him on the workbench, where he'd pulled an all-nighter attempting, without success, to repair the TV set from the ravages of Chance's wrath. The television itself, an empty shell, sat amidst all the items as he attempted to repair the damaged inner bits. Jake shot a reproachful look at Chance, who merely waved his hand at him to get him to hush and stood up, turning back to Callie.

"Anyway, I wanted you guys take a look at the engine and maybe fix it up for me," Callie said. "I don't care about it looks so much as whether it drives, and the engine started making this funny kind of pinging noise all the way back from Megakat Bay. And this morning the 'ping' turned into a 'clonk,' and, well, I wanna nip this in the bud so I'm not caught on the side of the road somewhere having to call you guys to come tow me."

"Sure thing," said Chance as Callie handed him her keys. "We'll probably have it ready in just a couple of days." He smirked as an idea crossed his mind. "Want me to give you a ride back into town in the tow truck?"

So saying, he gave the tow truck's fender an affectionate pat. No sooner were those words out of his mouth than they heard a horn honking. The long white limousine belonging to Mayor Manx pulled in and slid to a halt, the uniformed chauffeur getting out to open the door for Callie. Manx wasn't in it. Callie smiled apologetically at Chance, touched by his offer, but unable to say no to the creature comforts of a stretched luxury limo.

"No need," she said. "I AM the Deputy Mayor, after all. But thanks anyway, Chance."

Doing his best not to look disappointed and giving something that resembled a smile, Chance watched her turn and walk towards the limo. He sauntered back into the garage where Jake was, chest all puffed up. As far as he was concerned, the Deputy Mayor had all but asked him out on a date. Jake stood up from his work on TV.

"Heh," chuckled Chance, "she's crazy about me."

Callie heard that. She grinned, stopping and turning to glance back at the two. That Chance! she thought. She liked him enough, but he could be a little too overconfident at times, and in an effort to deflate his ego a little, she gave a sultry wave, not to him, but Jake, and said, "Bye, Jaaaaake," all sexy-like before continuing on to the limo.

Chance stood there as she got into the limo and drove off, eyes wide and mouth agape shock at that. "Bye Jake?" What the heck?! Jake, for his part, just smiled. The bigger kat turned and glowered at him as the limo drove off, balling up a fist as if to playfully punch Jake's shoulder, but he held back, not intent on picking a fight over something so trivial, he inquired after the dismantled television. After all, it took him a minute to get over himself, but it was obvious to Chance that Callie just said goodbye to Jake like that to make him jealous and poke a hole in the slightly overinflated balloon that was his ego. He needed that sometimes. It kept his feet firmly rooted on the ground, which he supposed even a pilot needed someones. Metaphorically, anyway.

"So, how 'bout the TV...?" he asked hopefully. He had no illusions about catching that Scaredy-Kat marathon now, but he wanted to at least be able to watch TV sometime during the next century.

"Nada," was Jake's reply after picking up and examining some random, broken bit of the appliance's innards. So saying, he threw it aside with a flick of his wrist to clatter noisily among the other TV parts. "The thing's history."

"What?!" cried Chance.

"Yeah," said Jake, "it's amazing how much damage one unopened can of milk can do!" He meant it, too. He wasn't just trying to needle his pal for breaking the thing. He really was surprised that the damage Chance and his milk can had done had really spelled total and complete doom for the faithful old TV.

"Crud," the other kat said, and repressed an urge to shove the gutted television over. Temper, Chance, he reminded himself. Calming, he said, "Well, we'll just have to get a new one!"

"With what money...?" asked Jake.

"Well-" Chance began.

"Hey, looooooovebirds!" a raspy, high-pitched and frankly whiny voice broke in.

Chance cringed. Oh no, he thought. Murray. He hated that voice. Both he and Jake turned and looked over at Murray and his brother standing there laughing at them.

"What do you guys want?" Chance asked. He usually did the talking whenever he and Jake dealt with these two. Jake preferred not to lower himself intellectually to acknowledge them most of the time. "We're buys."

"Yeah," sneered Burke, Murray's younger but much, much larger brother, "we saw ya. Flirtin' with da Deputy Mayor!" He clasped his gloved hands together and pretended to swoon, affecting a feminine high pitch to his voice. "'Oooooh, Chaaaance!'" he mocked, doing a very poor imitation of Callie Briggs indeed. "'You're so big and manly, marry me now and give me a tongue-bath, baby!'"

Murray joined in, making kissing sounds and hugging Burke's considerable belly as his annoyed brother broke character and attempted to shove him off of himself. "'Mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah!'" he intoned, pretending to . "'Yeah, baby, give the Chance-inator a big ol' smooch, babycakes!'" All things considered, he was doing a better imitation of Chance than Burke was of Callie.

Burke grumbled, "Get off! Stop it!" and shoved Murray off, where the smaller kat rolled around in the dirt laughing and squealing like a dying hyena. Jake rolled his eyes. He never understood why these two thought themselves SO funny.

Chance almost walked over and decked them. Instead, since the phrase for today was "even-tempered," lest he repeat the Great TV Incident, only this time with Murray's face, Chance merely demanded, "I said, what do you guys want? Don't you have some house to go haunt?"

After they finally stopped laughing, Murray picked himself up and dusted himself off. "We just wanted to let you two sweethearts know we was headin' off to get some scrap and we was gonna be in town. We might grab a pizza."

"A pizza for breakfast?" asked Chance.

"Donuts, then!" Murray said, throwing his hands up. "Look, that's not the point! Ya want anythin'? Besides a scrap heap sandwich, I mean?"

Burke snorted with laughter. For all their jackassery, the brothers occasionally attempted to be genuinely friendly with the two mechanics, but they couldn't do it without also injecting their usual cruelty and meanness into it. It was as though they just couldn't be completely nice to anyone, even each other. Jake politely declined the offer, as he always did. Not that he didn't appreciate the rare times when Burke and Murray were friendly. He was just concerned that the temptation to spit in their food.

"No thanks," he said.

"Yeah, but you guys get whatever, y'know..." added Chance.

"Eh, fine!" Murray said. "Just a waste of good donuts anyway. C'mon, Burke."

The two waved goodbye and trudged off to their truck.

"Those two..." said Jake, "I just don't get them."

"Me neither," said his friend. "So..." He walked over to Callie's car and popped the hood. "Whaddaya say we give this baby a looksee?" After examining the engine for a moment, he seemed satisfied it wasn't anything he couldn't repair, and possibly even improve!

Jake noticed that look in his friend's eyes. "Chance, remember, she just wants the engine runnin' smooth again..." he gently warned him.

"Yeah, but who said it couldn't run twice as good as before?" asked Chance, shutting the hood.

"What did you have in mind?" Jake asked, already a little exasperated, knowing there was no way of averting disaster now.

"Help me get this baby into the garage and I'll show ya!"

Tom, a tall farmer, was in a field on the far side of his barn, tossing hay into the back of his pickup truck with his pitchfork, which he'd been doing since sunup.

His farm was one of the smaller ones, and abutted the marshlands which signaled the beginning of Megakat Swamp. Unlike a few of his more superstitious neighbors, Tom liked the swamp, having had an affinity for alligators, snakes and toads ever since he was a boy. Everyone else dreaded it and avoided it. He knew why and thought it was a load of nonsense.

Dr. Viper, indeed! He was supposed to be some kind of half kat, half snake undead ghoul or something. Tom the farmer had never heard such ridiculous gobbledygook in all his life! He was content to consign the ghoulish doctor to the urban legend pile and go about his business, unafraid of the swamp.

"Whew!" he said, taking a breather, "this jobs bigger'n I thought!"

In front of the barn, out of Tom's line of sight, Clementine the cow was grazing peacefully. Suddenly, a shadow fell over her. She looked up and let out a moo of fear.

Tom was about to resume work when he heard the sounds of a frantic struggle and weird, disgusting slimy sounds. Despite his growing unease, he decided he had to go investigate, especially when the mooing ceased abruptly and the schlurking noises got louder. Pitchfork in hand, he came around the side of the barn.

"What's goin' over here?!" he demanded.

He stopped, gasping as he could now see the front of the barn, and with it, the weirdest-looking creature he'd ever seen. The thing was twelve feet tall, a hulking purple mass vaguely shaped like a kat with thick legs and big, flat feet and arms terminating in hands with thick, gooey fingers.

It had what could charitably be called a head, with four blazing yellow eyes in front, all lined up in a row. Underneath that and something that passed for a nose, a great, wide, gaping black maw opened, with thick strands of purple goo connecting its upper and lower "lips." The hideous mouth was curled into the widest, evilest smile Tom had ever seen.

Clementine's tail hung from that big, grinning maw, and Tom backed away as the creature slurped the cow's tail up like a noodle. He raised his pitchfork threateningly. The thing stepped toward him anyway. He jabbed at the creature with his pitchfork to no effect.

"Stay back!" he said. "G-Get away!"

"I'll teach you not to meddle with my creation!" a voice hissed, and then Tom felt a a sudden crushing constriction around his waist. He felt himself get lifted up as if he weighed nothing whatsoever.

As he lurched and swayed in midair, he looked down to see a striped green snake tail encircling his middle. Looking over his shoulder, he gasped aloud as he beheld a green-furred kat wearing a white coat. Dr. Viper! It was true! All the stories were true!

Viper beckoned with a finger towards the purple bacteria monster that had once been Morbulus. Using his tail, he held the struggling farmer up to it.

"Nooo...!" Tom wailed, realizing his fate.

With an indifferent flick of his tail, Dr. Viper tossed Tom screaming into the hideous, grinning maw which closed over him and ate him in one gulp, pitchfork and all. Viper watched his creation eat. He loved the look of extreme satisfaction on its face. But playtime was over. He had a timetable to adhere to and there was no room for screwups. He just hoped the thing could follow directions more complicated than "go here" and "eat this."

"Now that you've had your breakfassst, it's time we went into Megakat City!" he said. The monster stared down at him, apparently without comprehending, prompting him to elaborate, "Follow me! There'll be lotsss more for you to eat there!"

Gesturing for the creature to follow, he turned and walked toward a sewage drain pipe just across the road from the farm, their ticket to getting into Megakat City unseen. The bacteria monster hesitated for a moment as if unsure or unwilling to follow, as though some of Morbulus' mind remained, enough that it didn't find obeying its master all too appealing, but the promise of more food got it moving and it finally lumbered after him.

Jake stood holding what appeared to be a slightly modified sparkplug in up to the light, one of about a dozen he and Chance had just gotten done installing into the engine of Callie Briggs' banged up car, following some more ordinary repairs and refinements. The car sat with its hood lifted up in the garage, and Chance had finished putting the last of the "turboplugs" into the engine.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Jake said. Not that he was confident he could persuade Chance of this. He was merely noting his objection for the record.

The turboplugs were new inventions of his, so new they were more or less untested. The idea behind them was that they'd grant extra power and longevity to any engine they were installed in. He'd been planning to install them in the Turbokat, but Chance had insisted they use them on Callie's car instead. Jake had reluctantly agreed, despite continuing to voice a token protest here and there. His reasoning? With the thing already busted from the other day, there wasn't much else they could do to the poor thing when Chance's idea inevitably failed.

"Relax!" Chance said, walking around and opening the door. He slid into the driver's seat, but left the door open so he could talk to Jake. "Callie should have extra horsepower, y'know, in case of an emergency."

Jake didn't disagree. "But these things are designed to go in jet engines!" he protested. "Who knows what they'll do to an ordinary car engine like this!"

"Jaaaaake," Chance said in that smooth way of his, leaning back in the seat with one hand carressing the steering wheel, like he was about to go cruising. "I'm a professional. I know what an engine can handle."

"I'm tellin' ya, you're gonna blow it..." Jake said, pocketing the spare plug he'd been examining, wondering why Chance couldn't get it into his head that car engines were different from jet engines.

Chance inserted the key in the ignition and fired it up. The vehicle roared to life deafeningly. "See?" Chance pointed out, feeling vindicated. "Purrs like a kitten!" He stepped on the accelerator, revving the engine powerfully. "Growls like a tiger!" he added.

But something about the noise the engine was making didn't sound quite right to Jake. He already tell the turboplugs were overloading Callie's engine even as Chance boasted about purring and growling, and, franatic to avert utter disaster, Jake grabbed the toolbox and got underneath the hood in an ultimately doomed effort to remove some of the plugs before-

BLAM!

Smoke poured in thick, noxious waves from the now completely blown out engine. Chance bit his lower lip sheepishly and after a second turned the ignition off. Getting out, he walked to Jake who slid out from under the hood, his face blackened and his fur slightly singed. The one turboplug he'd managed to remove he held smoking in his hand. It was partially melted.

"Great idea, Chance," he said with a sigh. He threw the now useless plug away. "NOW what'll we tell Callie? 'Sorry, Ms. Briggs, we know you brought your car in to get fixed but we broke it even more?'"

Waving the smoke away and coughing a bit, Chance said, "Eh, I dunno, I'll thinking of somethin'..."

Just then, they heard the blaring honk of a truck horn, followed by the "beep-beep-beep" of heavy machinery backing up. Just what they needed. Burke and Murray were back. Wiping his face off, Jake joined Chance and they went out to meet their least favorite kats in the world. Burke and Murray's filthy, noisy dump truck sat idling with its back end pointed at the garage, filled to overflowing with the junk and garbage the two had collected that morning.

Murray leaned out the driver's side door, a half-eaten donut in his hand. "Got a special delivery for ya! Hit it, Burke!"

The tipper portion of the truck then tilted back and uncermoniously dumped the gigantic pile of scrap all over the ground in front of the garage. Burke and Murray laughed as Chance and Jake walked up to stand beside the vehicle, awaiting the inevitable delivery notice. After the brothers had gotten done making fun of them again, of course.

"Man, this makes my day!" Murray said and crammed the rest of his donut into his mouth.

"Yeah," agreed Burke, visible over his brother's shoulder. It was amazing he was able to cram himself into the cab. "They come a long way from bein' pilots!"

The same old schtick. Here it came...

"A loooong way..." Murray said with his mouth full, then pointed down at the ground, "down!"

Didn't they have any original material? wondered Chance.

He laughed, then suddenly choked on the mouthful of donut, gagging, and lurched back and forth in the seat, eyes bulging. Despite hating his freaking guts, a wide-eyed Chance, on pure instinct, was about to throw open the door, drag the little jerk out and give him the Heimlich when Burke came to the rescue, thwacking Murray on the back violently with his palm, causing the shorter kat to wharf up the throat-clogging mass of chewed up donut. It splattered on the dashboard. Ick, thought Chance, and stood back, his hatred of Murray renewed now that he was okay.

"Thanks, Burke," Murray wheezed, and indifferently waved Chance and Jake away. "I'm fine, I"m fine..." He coughed a few more times and then his moment of vulnerability passed and he was back to laughing. He leaned out, handing Chance a clipboard with the delivery form on it and a pencil that could've used sharpening, it looked like. "Sign here, sucker."

Chance did so, handing the clipboard back, but emphatically snapping the pencil in two with his thumb and forefinger. Murray frowned at that but didn't rise to the bait, instead just holding up a tin cup filled with identical pencils and jangling it mockingly. A few moments later, he threw a piece of paper out to them. Their copy of the delivery form. Chance didn't catch it and let it flutter to the ground at his feet.

"Well, boys, it's been a blast, but we gotta be gettin' back out on the road," Murray said. "Gotta report in to Commander Feral about his favorite Enforcer washouts!"

"We'll tell him you sent your loooove!" Burke sneered.

"Adios, amigos!" Murray jeered and floored it, the truck speeding off, kicking up a huge cloud of dust, leaving behind a seething Chance and Jake. 


	4. The Park Dedication

As the dust cleared, Chance and Jake were left standing there amid the pile of junk their "friends" had left for them. Chance shook his head. If Burke and Murray knew he and Jake used the very same stuff they dumped on what amounted to their front lawn all the time to modify an old fighter jet into the sleek, beautiful and deadly Turbokat, they'd have coughed up a hairball.

Standing with his hands on his hips, he narrowed his eyes at the departing truck. "'This makes my daaaaaaay,'" he said, making Jake laugh by doing a surprisingly good imitation of Murray. "Those two dipsticks! That donut almost did us a favor!"

Jake smiled and gave one of his friend's brawny biceps a good-natured punch. "Riiiiight," he said, "like you would've let 'him choke to death. I saw you going for the door." He winked.

Chance just shook his head. He supposed Jake was right, and not even Murray deserved such a humiliating death as choking on a donut. Besides, if he'd died, they'd have had to deal with a grieving Burke. And that thought didn't exactly fill Chance with joy. Turning towards the junk, he hitched up his belt over his stomach and kicked a bent piece of metal, sending it whizzing through the air to clang off of an automobile engine.

He walked over and stooped down, examining the engine. To his eye, it looked perfectly good. Not new, but otherwise in working order. "Hey, Jake," he said, grabbing it and grunting with the effort of lifting it from among the junk where it lay nestled, his biceps bulging through his shirt sleeves as though they'd spring the seams. He set it down at Jake's feet. "Take a look at this," he said. "We could put this baby under Callie's hood."

"Yeah, to replace the one you just exploded."

Chance's smile turned into a frown.

"But you're right," said Jake, getting down on his hands and knees to examine the engine more closely. "It looks like it's in pretty good shape."

"Why do you think someone threw it out...?" asked Chance.

"Dunno," Jake said, rising to one knee. "Probably just got replaced with a newer model."

"And they just pitched it?" the larger feline said, affecting astonishment. "What a waste!" He kneeled down beside his friend and gave the engine an affectionate pat. "Don't worry, we got a good hood to put you under."

"Without any modifications beyond basic repair," Jake warned, glowering.

Chance just grinned sheepishly, then Jake rose and returned to the junk pile. Here, he found what looked to him like a perfectly good TV set. An older model than the one Chance had busted the other day, but otherwise in decent condition. The longer he worked in a junkyard, the more Jake became amazed and dismayed at what people threw out. Picking it up, with much less effort than Chance had with the engine, thank goodness, he turned and lifted it above his head like the one foretold in the old legends of Megalith City holding the Dragon Sword aloft in triumph after removing it from the rock. Chance glanced up from where he was kneeling and blinked as the rising sun shined brilliantly behind the appliance his friend was holding up, and blinked.

"I found our new TV!" Jake said triumphantly.

The new park was a large expanse of green grass, trees and stone walkways. It was a sight to behold, a testament to the skills of the landscapers, but Callie Briggs was too annoyed to appreciate its beauty. She hid it well. She sighed as she stood alongside Mayor Manx as he addressed a meager crowd from a podium on a raised wooden platform, a pair of gold scissors in her hands.

Behind them was an enormous object covered by a white sheet. His new statue, the centerpiece of the park. The sheet was secured by a glossy red ribbon that awaited the scissors Callie held, but first Manx had to finish his speech.

The crowd gathered before them consisted almost exclusively of bleary-eyed reporters, Callie noted. There were a few gardeners and workmen here and there, but the ordinary everyday citizens of Megakat City, the people the park was ostensibly for, were conspicuously absent. Callie blamed the fact Mayor Manx had, against all reason, chosen to schedule the unveiling of his statue so early in the morning.

She really wished she were anywhere but here. As Deputy Mayor, she had more important things to attend to, but whatever His Honor considered worth his time, he clearly thought was worth her time as well, so she grinned and suffered through Manx's murder of the speech she'd helped him write. Callie considered herself a decent speechwriter, but no matter what she gave Manx to read, he managed to screw it up. He mispronounced words, his incompetence as an orator matched only by his enthusiasm for the matter at hand.

"...and so, as Mayor of Megakat City," he said, mercifully bringing the speech to a close, "I am proud open to the public the brand-new park that bears my name!" He turned to Callie standing nearby and said, "Callie?"

This was her cue. She came forward and handed him the scissors. Grinning, he walked over to the big thing covered by the sheet and posed for one of the reporters, the short, orange-haired one, to snap a photograph of him poised to cut the ribbon. Flash! The moment immortalized for posterity, Manx snipped the ribbon and the sheet fell away to reveal the crime against art some poor sculptor had slaved away on for weeks, a huge statue of the Mayor himself some fifteen feet tall.

There was halfhearted applause from the assembled reporters. Among them, Callie could see Ann Gora and her cameraman.

"Well, now, isn't he modest," Ann Gora said dryly to another reporter, just loud enough for Callie to overhear. The other reporter stifled a chuckle. Then, putting her game face on, Ann turned towards Jonny, smiling the most convincing yet utterly insincere smile imaginable, and said into the camera, "So far, the openeing ceremony for the new Manx Municipal Park has gone well..."

Dr. Viper moved through a sewer tunnel, his tail lashing along behind him as he ambled leisurely through ankle-deep water. The bacteria monster walked along behind him, its enormous, gooey feet making squishing sounds in the fetid water, the fluorescent lights affixed to the walls casting its shadow over the scientist. It'd grown in size since eating the farmer and his cow, so that it barely fit in the tunnel despite its high ceiling.

They were nearing their destination. Viper could sense it. No one knew the sewers of Megakat City better than he. "Not long now!" he said gleefully, rubbing his hands together. "It'sss just up around-"

He stopped short as he realized he wasn't in the monster's shadow anymore. It'd stopped somewhere behind him. Turning, he saw the creature standing there staring with its four eyes up towards a manhole cover directly above them. If Viper was correct, they were directly beneath where they were building that new park. He could hear the muffled sounds of a crowd. Apparently, the bacteria monster did too.

Impatient, he snarled, "Don't ssstop now!" The bacteria monster didn't listen and reached up towards the hole. Viper was finding the creature difficult to control. He supposed it was due to what little remained of Morbulus' mind, being defiant to the end. "Lisssten to me when I'm talking to you!" he yelled, furious.

This wasn't good, he thought. This was going to delay the robbery and set Viper's schedule back by at least twenty or thirty minutes, time he couldn't afford to lose!

"Come back!" he shrieked, but it was no use. The monster sensed food nearby, and it was going for it, no matter what its creator said or did.

In the garage, Chance and Jake were under the open hood of Callie's car putting the finishing touches on the refurbished engine they'd just installed. Their "new" TV, which Jake had gotten working with a minimum of fuss, sat on the worktable nearby, showing the park dedication. Ann Gora was giving a report, but Chance wasn't paying attention to her; he was smiling at Deputy Mayor Briggs, visible on the platform behind Ann in the background.

Pausing, he lay his cheek against the palm of one hand, propping his elbow against the car. "Boy," he said, dreamily, "that Callie sure is pretty..."

Jake, annoyed that his friend had stopped working, glanced up and said, "Yeah, but she'll be pretty MAD if we don't get her car working again!"

Getting the idea, Chance sighed and resumed work as Ann Gora continued her report. "The festivities are a big success," she was saying, "helping everyone take their minds off yesterday's bombings, and also-"

She was cut off by a deep, rumbling sound, making the two look up from their work.

"What was that?" said someone on TV.

"Jonny," Ann suddenly cried, "get a shot of that!"

The view whipped around and Chance and Jake saw an enormous, lumpy purple creature with four eyes emerging from the sewer through an open manhole. There were cries of "Holy kats!" and "Run for your lives!" The camera view began retreating as the wobbly image of the monster came closer. Someone, it sounded like Callie, screamed.

"What in the heck is that?!" cried Jake, surprised.

"It's ugly, that's what!" replied Chance.

They looked at another. They knew what they had to do. Duty called, and Callie's car was going to have to wait.

"Let's hit it!" they cried together. 


End file.
